SOME WISE QUESTIONS YOU SHOULD ASK YOURSELF

SOME WISE QUESTIONS YOU SHOULD ASK YOURSELF

>The greatest block in your life is YOU.

>The greatest solution to that block is also YOU.

If you do not learn from your experiences, and take control of your own energy (your beliefs, thoughts, feelings and actions) then you will surely continue to reap the same results and repeat the same patterns.

If those results and patterns are working for you, then great!

If they're not, then below are a set of wise questions to help you go into your own inner wisdom for the answers that will propel you into the year ahead as a clearer, more inspired, empowered and insightful you.

Everything in your life stems from your energy and the paradigm through which you view the world.

So it's time to own that and POWER UP.

On These Wise Questions To Ask Yourself You Should Take Or Grab A Pen And Paper, And Answer The Following Questions.

As you reflect, consider the past 6-12 months of your life, and the coming 6-12 months.

You are going to learn from the past to elevate yourself in the present, and prepare for an inspired future!

Here Are The Questions:

1) What have I been doing, and continue to do, in my life that I know is NOT working for me?

2) Why have I not yet taken action to ‘course correct' my journey in order to get different results?

3) What am I procrastinating about doing?

4) What negative habits do I have that I know I need to let go of?

5) Regarding the greatest challenges that I faced in the past 6-12 months, what lessons did I learn that I can apply in future for my benefit?

6) Is there anything I intended to achieve in the past 6-12 months that did not eventuate?

7) Did I invest my attention, time or resources into my personal growth, knowledge, wellbeing and/or happiness in the past 6-12 months year in any way?

8) What goal, dream or aspiration do I have for myself for the coming 6-12 months that I'm ready to make happen?

9) Where is fear currently controlling me?

10) Am I feeling professionally fulfilled?

11) What would I most like to learn how to do or be for the 6-12 months ahead?

12) How have I been using my “free time” and has that helped me feel inspired, vibrant, healthy and fulfilled?

13) Are my current habits for eating, drinking and exercising working for me or against me?

14) Am I holding any resentment towards others or myself?

15) How could I be of service in the 6-12 months ahead in a way that will make the world a better place?

16) Which of my relationships need more of my loving attention to prosper?

17) Which of my relationships are toxic and no longer serve myself or the other person?

18) What have been my strengths and achievements in the past 6-12 months that I can celebrate?

19) Am I living a life that is meaningful to me?

20) Am I proud of who I am, how I behave and what I offer into the world?

21) What feelings dominated my experience of life in the 6-12 months gone by?

22) What feelings do I most want to experience in the 6-12 months ahead?

23) What I am most passionate about in my life that I'd like to do more of?

24) If I could improve one aspect of my life, what would it be? (e.g. Relationships, Career, Finances, Health, State of Mind, Emotional Balance, Adventure, Self-expression…)

Take Your Answers To These Wise Questions And Set Your Vision:

After you've answered these questions, it's time to create a vision for yourself for your future.

Let your answers above inform your vision for what is most important to you for the next 6-12 months, in terms of:

1) How you want to be.

2) What you want to do, change, achieve.

3) What actions are the highest priority.

4) What positive energy and success mindset you want to live from, so that it flows on to create the results you deserve and desire.

NOTE: Write your vision down! Make it real by taking it out of your imagination and putting it on paper. That act is one of declaration, taking something from an idea and turning it into a tangible written vision. This focuses your attention on what you want.

'Where attention goes, energy flows. And where energy flows, something grows!'

Am still your darling "Omasirichukwu"

MAKING MUNDANE TASKS ENJOYABLE

MAKING MUNDANE TASKS ENJOYABLE

"The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is."

How much of your day involves doing tasks that you consider to be mundane or boring?

Imagine if you could turn those tasks into more enjoyable moments.

I've seen someone practicing this, consciously choosing to bring more fun to otherwise boring tasks. Such as:

*Blasting great music while washing dishes or cleaning.

*Singing while weeding the garden.

*Having inspiring conversations with myself while hanging washing.

The next time you engage in a task that you normally might consider boring, see what fun you can bring to it instead! 

Your attitude can transform your experience of it.

THE BLUEPRINT FOR YOUR BEST SELF

THE BLUEPRINT FOR YOUR BEST SELF

"Make the choice to be your highest and best self, regardless of the circumstances."

Imagine that before you were born a blueprint was set.

Imagine that the blueprint shows:

Your best self, fully evolved and fully expressed in what you say and do.

Your best life, fully realized with all your goals and dreams unfolded.

Your life purpose, the contribution and difference you make in the world.

Today being my 9th year anniversary, I want to let you know the three (3) quick things about how you can live out the blueprint of YOUR best self and best life.

Here we go…

1. See What Blocks You And Resolve It:

There are certain things that uniquely play out in your life, possibly like patterns. Most people call them “problems” or “weaknesses”. I call them gateways to greatness.

Life wants us to evolve, and one timeless truth we can't deny is that what breaks us down can break us through.

When you have blocks inside yourself, or you experience blocks in life, it is a powerful sign and an opportunity. It's not something to go under, over or around. It is something to go THROUGH. The problem is the path. It is the way. Your resolution of it unlocks your higher potential.

2. See What Lights You Up And Step Into It:

There's no mistake about what makes your soul sing, what you find inspiring, meaningful and joyous. The things you would do whether you were paid or not. The things that hold the most value in your heart. This is a clear indication it's part of your blueprint. And it's unique for every person.

I always say, your soul is constantly speaking to you in three ways, but are you listening? Passion. Inspiration. Intuition. If only you would consistently act on these three calls from within, you would find yourself living out your blueprint!

Note: What stops us from doing that? See point 1 above!

3. Step Into What Is Already In You:

Every human being is born with certain things, certain truths, within them in their blueprint. Things that are the same for everyone and common to the experience of being human. As long as you are disconnected from these, you experience issues. However, if you would go into these things (these truths), they will support you to 1) resolve the blocks you have, and 2) to step into what lights you up!

So – what are these things inside of you, waiting to be stepping into? The GLORY of who you really are…

The KNOWINGNESS that you are whole, complete, good enough, worthy, deserving, valued, supported, connected, loved and accepted – irrespective of what anyone else says or does, irrespective of circumstance.

The CONFIDENCE that is part of knowing those things.

The TRUST that comes when you know and are confident.

The PEACE that arises when you live that way!

You might I've done it seven (7) days a week. Might I've done it at all hours of the day and night. Might I've laboured with love whether you are paid or not.

What do you sense might be part of your best self, best life and purpose?

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT FAMILY DURING THE FESTIVE SEASON

🎄DEALING WITH DIFFICULT FAMILY DURING THE FESTIVE SEASON

It must be the start of the festive season!

I saw Christmas decorations in a shop last week 🎄 and have received Christmas party invites for December. Plus... I've had a flurry of emails and social media messages recently from people in our community asking me the SAME QUESTION...

"Omasiri, do you have any resources to help me deal with difficult family during the festive season?"

If you celebrate Christmas in your culture, faith or country, then it's a time of year when we are often gathering together with both immediate and extended family members who we might otherwise not see regularly.

You might have people in your family that are difficult, frustrating or rude. People that grate on your nerves and create tension during what is intended to be a joyous time.

So below you'll find a series of resources, that will empower you with practical way and new perspectives you can use during this festive season to stay grounded, present, joyous and detached from any negativity that you may encounter.

Dealing With Difficult Family Members – a Practical Guide:

If you're dealing with difficult family members, I'm about to take you through a practical guide for navigating those family relationship challenges.

Grab a pen and paper as you're about to find out:

a) The essential PARADIGM SHIFTS necessary for you to powerfully deal with difficult family and

b) The NEW ACTIONS you can start taking today!

Dealing with Difficult Family Members

Below is a breakdown of the key points from the summary…

1. Always Focus on What You CAN Control:

Your point of power in dealing with life challenges, including interacting with difficult people, is always to focus on what you CAN control, not what you can't control.

It can happen so easily in difficult family dynamics that each person gets obsessively focused on what the other person is doing wrong, and what they should do better. That seems logical, but it's a road to nowhere.

If you're focusing on what someone else should be doing, that isn't something you can control, and it's largely a waste of your energy.

You want to be optimally effective with your time, energy and efforts by focusing squarely on what you can control… YOURSELF!

Your power is always within. To shift your beliefs, thoughts, feelings. Altering your energy about the situation (upping your vibration!). Making more conscious choices and taking more conscious actions.

In this way you completely change YOUR part of the equation in the relationship, and because it takes “two to tango” – when you create change in yourself, the dynamic MUST change as a result.

Note – I said the dynamic changes. Not the other person necessarily. But because the other person is interacting with your energy, when you change yourself then the old negative pattern between the two of you can't be the same anymore.

Dealing with Things You Can't Control

2. Definition of the “External” Problem

Fact – someone is (or multiple people are) behaving badly.

3. Definition of the “Inner” Problem

While it may look like their behaviour is the main problem, and yes it's definitely a big part of the problem, something else very important is going on.

The real inner problem for you is that they're not meeting your expectations of what family is meant to be, and how they “should” behave based on that family relationship.

As a result, you get caught up in “should” and “shouldn't”.

This shouldn't be happening.

They shouldn't be doing that / behaving this way / treating me like this.

When Someone isn't Living Up to Your Relationship Expectations

4. The Roles We Want our Family to Play

The reason you have those expectations, which the family member is not living up to, is because you think due to the blood relationship and “role” they have in your life, there is certain behaviour that “should” be happening and “shouldn't” be happening.

That's very natural!

For example – Mothers should be/do X. Fathers should be/do Y. Grandparents, children, cousins, in-laws, partners/spouses… should be/do Z.

Along with the expectation of what they should be and do, we also have a long list of things they absolutely should not be and do!

We formulate these “role expectations” based on values, morals, cultural expectations and the way society conditions us to believe that families should be. We see it on the TV, in movies and in advertisements.

We then experience something in our own family that doesn't match up, and we become aggrieved and see the GAP between what our family member is doing and how they should be behaving based on these expectations we hold.

That gap is a painful experience. It's a mismatch… “I've got in-laws that don't live up to the role they should be playing”, or “I've got a parent who doesn't do what a parent should be doing”.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Now in an ideal world, of course we would want people in our family to be what we want. And at the very least, even if they can't meet our expectations, we would simply want them not to hurt us! Most people would be happy if family would just be neutral. That would be a big win. If you're in a really toxic family dynamic, I'm sure you're not necessarily looking to have your family members turn around and be so awesome that they win family member of the year! You'd probably be ecstatic if they would just not be abusive, toxic, difficult, rude, manipulative, controlling or whatever other issues they are projecting your way.

Consider this – when you look at the difficult family member, instead of seeing the human being in front of you for who they really are and what they are currently capable of (with all their own issues and paradigm blocks) you might have an idealized version of what you've always wanted them to be.

And you hold them up against that expectation.

Then when they don't meet it, over and over again, you become more and more distressed.

And, perhaps they were never capable of being that ideal role in the first place.

Perhaps they just don't have it in them?

So as long as they are what they are, and your expectation is different, the gap exists.

And that gap = pain for you.

5. Remember this About Family Members Behaving Badly:

The roles we want people to play in our lives are all mind-made.

Our idealized vision of what people should be for us, while obviously very desirable and much wanted and deserved, is just that. A vision we create and want people to meet.

Look at the family member/s differently for a moment…

Was their childhood, education, or era they grew up in something that might possibly have led them to this point where they behave in a way that doesn't work for you?

Have they been through life experiences that might have led them to their mindset, beliefs and behaviors they now play out?

Are they in pain within themselves, unable to be at peace with who they are, and with others and the world around them?

What must it be like to live in their shoes, being the source of all that difficulty and pain that is being projected out?

Are they even capable and equipped to play the role you want them to? Maybe, maybe not.

Are they conscious enough to behave in better ways and give you what you want and need? Maybe, maybe not.

Despite all their own problems, mindset blocks, emotional issues and lifetime of conditioning, we hold them to these expectations because of the blood connection, the lineage, the family hierarchy and dynamic, the socially “agreed upon” norms of how people should behave in those positions in our lives.

And when they don't deliver, we get upset. Because “family shouldn't XYZ” and “family should XYZ”.

But the fact is – whether family or not, we're all just human beings trying to deal with our stuff.

And most people who are treating family members badly are also playing out those same issues in other areas of their lives too. It's not a family or non-family thing. It's a “being a human being” thing!

Bad behaviour doesn't typically have tight boundaries, it usually seeps into many areas.

So while they may not behave the way you think family should, from a higher perspective perhaps you might see that they have their own limitations and issues that are far beyond just this family dynamic, and perhaps far beyond affecting just you.

It's a broader matter of a human being in pain, in limitation, in unconsciousness. Someone who may or may not know their own problems. Someone who may or may not even care!

None of this condones the behaviour.

But it helps you to rise up and see it objectively from a “helicopter” higher perspective, where you can survey the issue with a broader view beyond your upset at being treated badly and being let down.

6. Why Some People Treat Their Own Family Worse than Strangers:

Now… yes, in many cases a family member's bad behavior is something that is not family specific, but rather it's actually a broader issue in their life of bad behavior that knows no bounds.

However, there is another common scenario which actually contradicts this!

Sometimes difficult family members are actually behaving like angels outside of the family relationships – in public, with friends, at work, socially. They hold it together in those settings, and then treat closer family relationships poorly.

Why do people do that?

Why treat those outer circle relationships with the most ideal version of themselves, putting in their best effort, and then treat the apparently most meaningful, inner circle relationships (you!) with the worst version of themselves?

Well – often people feel that the outer circle of people will reject them, call them out, judge them, shame them, challenge them and not accept them if they behave badly. So they make sure to “show up” in the way that society expects. Because if they don't, there are bad consequences.

But – at home perhaps they let their guard down, don't feel the need to try as hard and can “get away” with saying whatever, doing whatever, and blurting out all their intense emotion that is bottled up inside.

Perhaps they think… “Family's family after all. It's blood. They're not going anywhere. They have to put up with me”.

It seems that there is less chance of loss and serious repercussions when our inner issues are projected outwardly within inner circle family relationships.

So if you're being treated badly by a family member who treats non-family very well, you want to know it's not about you. It's probably that the family member is looking for an outlet for all their issues and pent up negativity and emotions, which they don't know how to consciously deal with in healthy ways, and simply the outer circle is not a safe place for it!

Of course this doesn't condone it at all. But we're seeking to see the difficult family member and their behavior in new light. From shifting your paradigm, with new perspectives, you have more power to break old cycles and find a fresh path forward.

7. Basing Your Future on New Truths When Dealing with Difficult Family Members:

Here are some very important new truths as a foundation for your pathway forward if you want peace…

From today onward, delete “should” and “shouldn't” from your vocab. Stop “shoulding” on the relationships and situations. People are what they are. There is no should or shouldn't. It is what it is. They are what they are. As soon as you say “should”, you open the doorway of pain for yourself by resisting the facts of what is.

When we condemn someone, we chain ourselves to pain. Condemnation and negativity of any kind that we fire out into the world, never leaves its source. So while you might feel justified to project your upset and condemn that family member for their bad behavior, you carry all of that around inside of you. It's toxic and infects your life. You don't want it and don't need it. It's time to let it go.

Non-judgement and non-condemnation is NOT condoning bad behaviour or endorsing it, and it's not rolling over and doing nothing about it! It's simply accepting the facts of the situation – it is what it is, they are what they are. It's about choosing not to pour fuel on the fire of negativity that already exists by adding in your rejection of it and resistance to it.

It's essential that you RELEASE the family member from the expectation you have of them, that they've not been living up to. Release the idealized vision of who you think they should be, what they should do and instead accept that they are what they are. While you would LOVE it if they were different, right now that's not happening. They are operating at the level of their current consciousness and/or capability, playing out their own issues, pain and limiting paradigm. And, they are the only ones who can choose to make a change in that. Stop expecting blood from a stone, and see that they are not equipped at this moment to either be able to, or want to, behave differently in this relationship. You can DEFINITELY still hold peaceful hope for the future that they may grow and things might change, but for now, it is what it is and they are what they are.

No More “It Shouldn't Be This Way” – Letting Go of Resistance

How to Stop Resisting Life & Go with the Flow

The Energetic Truth About Holding Grudges & Resentment

How to Stop Judging Other People

8. Immediate Inner Growth for You:

Right now, grab and pen and paper to do this exercise. If you want to effect change, this is where you start. Standing on a foundation of the above new perspectives, you can now…

(A) Hold yourself to a higher standard – instead of stooping to the same level of behavior, if  you feel like you're done trying to take the higher road, remember… YOU DON'T BEHAVE WITH INTEGRITY TO GET SOMETHING. YOU BEHAVE WITH INTEGRITY BECAUSE THAT IS WHO YOU ARE. Be the powerful person you know you are, at all times, even when the person you're dealing with is serving you up nothing but problems. ACTION  – Write down what type of person you want to be, what your values are, how you want to treat others, what type of energy you want to bring to the world each day. And remember, these standards you have for yourself are not conditional. You don't only behave this way when people are nice. You choose to be a conscious human being in this world, and even when others are not treating you well, YOU hold yourself to your own higher standards.

(B) Be really honest with yourself about how you might have fueled their fire in the past – In what ways have you fired back pain at them, or antagonized them, or played a part in this negative pattern in the family dynamic? If we're honest with ourselves, we can see our own limitations and contributions. ACTION –  write down what you know you've done in the past in negative reaction to this difficult family member triggering you. By seeing it you can CHOOSE to be alert for that in yourself next time. And if it happens again you can stage an intervention on yourself (!) and instead immediately revert to your higher standards.

9. Outer Action Phase 1: Attempting Collaboration with Them for Positive Change:

Beyond your own inner work – to operate to your own higher standards and to interrupt your patterns, it's time now to look at how you can effect change in the relationship in a more direct way.

This is family. And so in most cases, you'd want to attempt to work things out and see if there is room to improve the relationship.

But right now, let's talk about collaborating with the difficult family member in the hopes of creating positive change.

You might think you've tried to communicate with them before, to find a better way forward. And it might not have worked.

But you really need to consider the WAY in which you approached those conversations in the past.

Often we have the best of intent to find a way forward but out of frustration and upset, we're just firing upset at the other person, and they fire back, and nothing is really achieved. We get into a game of ping-pong with them, where we communicate (but it comes across as attack to them), and they respond (but it comes across as defense to us, a natural response to attack!), to which we feel attacked back and so we defend, and on it goes.

It's critical that we communicate from a place of calm, compassion and genuine higher perspective if we really want to create a powerful and peaceful path forward to a better relationship.

So you want to get yourself into a calm energy state, have clarity on the outcome you're seeking, and then communicate in a way that will REACH the other person. Conveying that you understand their position and what it must be like to feel how they do, and what life must be like for them in this dynamic. Conveying your own feelings. Showing your understanding of the pattern that is playing out for both/all of you, without judgement. And then… present a vision for how things could be in the future for everyone if changes were made, what part you're willing to play, and what you'd hope they might be willing to do also.

HOW TIMES CHANGED

"HOW TIMES CHANGED"

The famous actor Arnold Schwarzenegger (The Terminator), who later became Governor of the State of California, USA, posted a picture of himself sleeping in the street under his famous bronze statue, and wrote sadly ("How times changed").

The reason he slept there and wrote the sentence was not only odd to many but intriguing. Some thought he was a nut or in the usual joking mood as a famous actor, though rare.

Then a journalist took a bold step to approach him and ask why he was sleeping in the public glare when he could have afford all the comforts inside his home or better still in the hotel.

Do you know what he found out?

Arnold Schwarzenegger told him that he was not a nut neither too old to forget his senses and propriety. He was neither catching his fun, but rather making a statement of life. 

He recalled that when he was the Governor of the State of California, he was invited to officially open the massive multimillion dollar hotel where his statue was placed in front of it in his honour. 

He noted further that the hotel management publicly declared at the opening ceremony that "at any time you come back, you will meet a room reserved in your name that will be placed at your disposal free of charge."

He said he never came back while in office. However years later he recalled those promises after leaving office and decided to come back and spend a time in the hotel either for free or at paying cost. However what he discovered on arrival is that the hotel administration had refused to give him a room arguing that the hotel was fully booked, even when he was ready to pay. He therefore decided to place a cover under the statue and sleep.

REFLECTIONS

Arnold Schwarzenegger asked the reporter to send this message of reflection as a lesson to those in position of responsibility thus:

"When you are in a position, people may be  praising you. Don't let it get to your head or your heart. Be yourself and don't get carried away. Even if they mean to be true and sincere, check yourself that you have not exceeded your limits.

Be sure that you are doing what is right and what is good. Don't place any expectation on others and don't look away at your friends and family or make enemies for yourself. Let your door be open to everyone and open your mind to anyone making a point. They may be your guardian angels. No one knows it all.

Remember that your position is for a while. The people who surround you to seek your favour may even forget you sooner than you can remember. Those who spent time with you are no exception. You may be lonely someday. Even some of the people you helped may eventually loath you. 

Remember, what you have to your name is your good works. The legacies that you left in the sands of time. That is what will speak for you. Do not assume that every word spoken to you in office will be kept as a promise in future. 

Do not trust your position, name, power, money, fame or intelligence as a magic to open doors in future. Only trust in your good work and legacies because nothing last long in life but death.

Yes, times have changed."

THE STORY OF DERICO NWAMAMA

THE STORY OF DERICO NWAMAMA..

INTRODUCTION

It was 13 long years ago. The year 2001, and everything was quite topsy-turvy in the country. The nation was still smarting from the Y2K scare that the world was going to come to an abrupt end and all computers would stop functioning at the exact strike of midnight on the 31st of December, 1999.

Doomsday prophets went gaga, milking an ignorant populace from their brisk and dark businesses as they went around screaming the world was going to end. Nigeria was also experiencing the post-delivery pangs of democracy having just regained freedom from stifling military rule in 1999 following General Sani Abacha’s sudden and mysterious death. But away from all these superficial trivia, there were more disturbing issues heating up the polity and one of the most nerve-tangling of these was insecurity. Insecurity was all over the land, and the speed and ferocity with which violence was spreading was heartbreaking, to say the least.

Together, with the binoculars of history, we zoom in on southeastern Nigeria with Abiyamo as the legendary story of Derico Nwamama, Nigeria’s King of the Underworld is retold like never before. 2001 was a very turbulent year for Nigeria and one of the states that bore the biggest brunt of the madness and political violence was Anambra. My beautiful Anambra, the land of the greats and the finest okpa di oku. But for a land that has produced some of Africa’s greatest, all was far from well. The people of Onitsha could not display their wares with peace while going to bed at night was horror. All because of one 22-year-old lad who went by the name Okwudili Ndiwe, better known as Derico Nwamama or simply Derico. A frustrated Governor Chinwoke Mbadinuju tried all tricks in the book to hook this damaged crook but all efforts failed until he went unconventionally ballistic.

Psychologically-traumatized and emotionally-battered, the people of Anambra went to their markets petrified and whenever there was a commotion with shouts of Derico renting the air, they fled in different directions, like the sprayed ashes from the palms of a dibia. It did not take long before the despicable name of Derico was on the mouth of everyone in and around the state. He was aptly described as the personification of terror. From Nnewi to Nkpor, from the villages in Umuleri to towns in Ihiala, the old and young were terrified at the mere whisper of Derico. Nwamama. Nwa. Mama. But as a saying goes, no condition is permanent and Derico would soon meet the nastiest of all endings…

DERICO, THE TERROR: THE DAYS OF ROBBERY

Derico Nwamama had a very interesting modus operandi. Although he terrorized the entire state of Anambra, striking in various places, particularly Onitsha, he was not residing in the state. As a matter of fact, his base was Abuja, the Federal Capital Territory. Derico only visited his hometown when it was time to launch maximum terror. And after raining a torrent of bullets and gunfire upon the hapless and ill-equipped officers of the Nigerian Police and defenceless Nigerians, he would speed back to his safe haven, hours away up north in Abuja, with his loot, safe on the laps of power, luxury and comfort.

At a period, Derico used the town of Umuleri as his hideout. Then from there, he would issue threatening messages to the police that they will pay for killing members of his gang. He also maintained his bases in other towns like Agbor.

HOW DERICO KILLED CHIEJINA, HIS FRIEND AND ANOTHER LEGENDARY ARMED ROBBER

Chiejina was from Aguleri, Anambra State and before Derico came onto the scene, Chiejina was described by the police as the deadliest armed robber in all of Anambra State. The centre of his lethal operations was Onitsha. Derico’s father too was from Aguleri and in no time, the paths of the two met and they became very good friends and colleagues in the armed robbery business. However, their friendship would not last for long as bloody arguments soon broke out between the two of them over the scope and nature of executing their operations. You know, when two lions fight over territory and stuff. Both of them were at the peak of their strengths and they were equally feared all over the region. But the lethality of Derico would soon prove too toxic for Chiejina. During a violent argument over their mode of operation, Derico blasted Chiejina to an early grave with a volley of bullets. After the death of Chiejina, Derico became the undisputed emperor of terror in the land. Anambra was in soup, and the environs would not be spared too.

THE HUNT, SEARCH AND CAPTURE OF DERICO

Governor Mbadinuju was not the only one visibly frustrated by the constant antics of Derico. President Olusegun Obasanjo was also enraged at the untamed banditry. Even more embarrassing was the fact that the Nigerian Police seemed to melt like candle in a bakery before the dreaded Derico and his daredevil gangsters. But the state government had one last trump card: the Bakassi Boys. But before then, the police will give Derico a run for his smoking-hot guns.

Around May 2001, the Anambra State Police Command launched the Operation Derico which was aimed at capturing Derico and his gang members. There had been Operation Thunderbolt, Operation Abortion, Operation Cobra and Operation Mimicry to capture other armed robbers, especially those based in the Umuleri-Aguleri axis of the state. The police had varying degrees of success with these operations but they were never able to lay their hands on the dreaded Derico. They were on a wild goose chase.

Governors of the predominantly Igbo southeastern states were fed up with the spiraling level of violence from armed robbery, kidnapping and ritual murders. They decided to launch their own paramilitary outfits that would provide adequate security to the people. These vigilante outfits were to work in collaboration with the police force. Thus came the Bakassi Boys. However, it was not a solely southeastern thingy. The southwest had their own Oodua Peoples Congress (OPC), there was the Arewa Youth Consultative Forum (AYCF) in the north, Niger Delta Volunteers Force (NDVF), Ogoni Youth, Ijaw Youths and even the Egbesu Boys in Bayelsa. There was also the ruthless Mambilla Militia Group (aka Ashana No Case To Answer) in Taraba State. It was a time of near-anarchy. Not that it is all paradise now anyways (impunity still continues unabated in Nigeria with domestic terrorism spiraling out of control, as at the time of writing this, the kidnappers of the Nigerian President’s cousin turned down the sum of N30 million, calling it shikini money)..

Enjoying immense support from the local populace, the Bakassi Boys were at the forefront of the hunt and capture of Derico Nwamama. The violent and unbroken streak of Derico would come to a sudden but dramatic end on a Tuesday, the 3rd of July, 2001. He was captured by the much-dreaded Bakassi Boys, the militant wing of the Anambra Vigilante Services (AVS) in Onitsha, which happened to be his hometown. He was on the way to Onitsha from Agbor in Delta State.

Following the news of his capture, Onitsha erupted in joy and cheers. As the Bakassi Boys cruised and swerved round the city at neck-breaking speeds in their buses brandishing cutlasses, charms and all kinds of weapons, they were hailed as heroes and were treated to rapturous applauses wherever they went. Okada (motorcycle) riders, marketwomen, traders and school children trooped out onto the streets in their hundreds to celebrate the much-anticipated capture of the man who turned their nights into nightmares and their dreams into nibbly hopelessness. The police and Bakassi Boys had been combing everywhere for Derico for more than a year before he fell into the trap specifically laid for him.

Derico had killed over 100 people including 15 officers of the Nigerian Police whose lives he mercilessly wasted. He was a master of countless bus robberies and will not blink twice before pumping his hot lead bullets into the beating hearts of hapless victims. Before the coming of the Bakassi Boys, Derico sacked commercial banks in Onitsha carting away millions of naira of customer savings. What happened to those that he wrecked financially can only be imagined. And after his successful raids, he would boast and declare himself invincible. Derico seemed to have placed a lot of faith and confidence in the charms prepared for him by the traditional witchdoctors. According to reports, some of the charms were made inside some of the most well-known rivers in the state. He believed in the power of the amulets but eventually, the nakedness of his foolishness was laid bare.

In one of his last operations in June 2001, his daredevil gang descended upon the Achalla Police Station in Awka North Local Government with all the fury left in Hell. Nigerian policemen scampered off for dear lives while Derico and his team conducted a surgical operation on the police station. By the time they were gone, they went with seven police assault rifles. That particular operation was so dangerous that Derico did not go all alone with his gang, he called for collaboration with another gang from Umuleri. They were planning to rob a bank in Asaba, the Delta State capital and they needed heavy weapons to carry out their heist.

The Nigerian Police requested that Derico be handed over to them so they could continue with the investigation and eventual prosecution but the Bakassi Boys simply ignored the request, brushing it aside just as a Gbagura woman would the idea of a junior wife. For the Nigerian populace that was already (and is still) highly distrustful and suspicious of the Nigerian Police, their overwhelming support went straight to the Bakassi Boys. Some of them asked whether the Nigerian Police officers were on sedatives all the time Derico was terrorizing the whole state, killing and robbing as he desired. Many were in support of Derico being dispatched to the Hereafter as soon as possible and without wasting the fraction of a microsecond. But how was Derico nabbed?

The operations launched by the Nigerian Police were vast but the net did not catch the big fish. In one of the operations, six operatives from the Special Anti-Robbery Squad (SARS) and Bakassi Boys left Awka, the Anambra State capital and headed for Nigeria’s capital city, Abuja, where Derico was based. They almost caught Derico but he escaped. Two of his deadliest lieutenants were however, arrested. Derico fled, abandoning his amazing cache of weapons, amulets and charms. With the heat on him, Derico scampered off and was on the way to his hometown, Onitsha. On getting to Agbor, where he maintained an armed robbery base, he alighted from the bus for a short stop-over. The Bakassi Boys got the wind of Derico’s movement and decide to ambush him. They mobilized at the end of the Niger Bridge which linked Asaba with Onitsha and stayed round the clock hoping to catch the very elusive Derico.

The beginning of the end for Derico was on a Tuesday night, the 3rd of July, 2001. Derico ran out of luck that very night at the Bridge Head (Niger Bridge) in Onitsha. He was on a commuter bus coming from Asaba in Delta State heading towards Onitsha when the vehicle ran into a checkpoint mounted by the Bakassi Boys. He was identified and arrested by the Bakassi Boys who stated that Derico was found with an ‘unspecified’ identity card that was reported to have been signed by a ‘highly-placed indigene of the state’. The name of the ‘influential’ figure was not mentioned.

THE END OF DERICO

Many had predicted that following Derico’s capture by the Bakassi Boys, his days were already numbered. That was because the Bakassi Boys had developed a terrible and blood-clotting reputation for their inhumane treatment of suspects. Known as huge guys bouncing their pectoral muscles like Vuga in a Nollywood movie reminiscent of the Ohafia warriors, wearing all-black and wielding machetes, the Bakassi Boys were not an easy sight on the eyes at all.

Captured criminals were savagely beaten, mutilated, dismembered and even set on fire, all without trial. After heaping the remains of the suspects in the blazing flames, the Bakassi Boys then asked the onlookers and bystanders to raise their hands in what was a symbolic form of worship and surrender. The end of Derico would prove to be even more dramatic.

On the 9th of July 2001, six days after Derico was captured, Bakassi Boys chanting war songs drove in their clangorous buses to the ever-bustling Ochanja Market Junction (Roundabout) along Iweka Road in Onitsha, one of the commercial nerve centers of the state and right there in the middle of the market, their buses came to a screeching halt. Crazy shouts of excitement and unspeakable terror filled the atmosphere of one of West Africa’s most active markets.

Some of the Bakassi Boys did not even let their buses come to their typical maddening stop before they jumped out of the vehicles, some from the windows, the doors were barely closed as they sped recklessly towards the centre of Onitsha. Traders and shopowners at the market hurriedly closed their shops to have a full view of the drama that was about to unfold. Many had not even seen the infamous Derico before and did not know how he looked like, whether he was handsome like the Prince of the Air, or as old as Melchizedek. What many saw next was not what they expected.

Derico was dragged out, his face was thoroughly ‘panel-beaten’, a sure mark of the non-stop physical assault and the maximum shishi that he had received in the hands of the Bakassi Boys in the dungeon where they had locked him up. A 22-year-old lad, his body was ‘decorated’ with numerous cuts and gashes from cutlasses that went really deep into his brown, proteinous African flesh. It was the sight of savagery. Raw savagery. But the real savagery was to come.

Derico was in obvious pains but no one seemed to care. He was going to taste the same chili pepper and ata rodo that he had rubbed in the eyes of the hapless Nigerians.

Still chanting war songs and edged on by the ecstatic mob, the Bakassi Boys were totally in control and in minutes, a huge crowd had formed around the arena, waiting for the most anticipated spectacle in July 2001 in Nigeria’s enterprising southeast.

At that moment, one of the ‘war commanders’ of the Bakassi Boys named Okpompi addressed the crowd, which was now swelling by the minute. With a voice that pierced through the electrified crowd, Okpompi said that the Bakassi Boys were not in the state for politics. He said they had no business with politics and they were strictly interested in fighting crime. He went to add that whoever was thinking they were involved in politics was a joker.

Although chaotic, the end of Derico still had some semblance of a ceremony, even if it was a most gory one indeed. Responding to approving roars from the bloodthirsty and vengeance-seeking crowd, the Bakassi Boys assured their people that insecurity would become a thing of the past in the state. At that point, the microphone was handed to Derico.

Life was already ebbing out of his poor soul and his vocal cords soon betrayed him. Trembling like a flayed cat on a dark, lonely winter night, he begged for his life and like all legendary criminals staring death in the face, he made some feeble last attempts to declare his innocence and plead for mercy that would never materialize. Full of regrets, shrieking in pain and covered with sweat, tears and blood, Derico twaddled:

“My name is Oddy, alias Derico, alias Nwa Mama. I appeal to you the people of Anambra State, please don’t kill me, I don’t like evil. It was when I killed Chiejina (another suspected robber) that people thought I am a strong guy, you know.’’
The crowd let out a confused mix of shouts and gibberish, the spirit of vengeance had possessed everyone in the city center but Derico continued begging and pleading for his life and at a point, he even denied robbing anyone:

“I trust Bakassi Boys. They are strong. Please, mercy for me. Nobody can identify me as having robbed him. People just believe that I am a strong guy.”
The whole scenario almost descended into a pandemonium when from nowhere a truck full of Nigerian police officers tried to penetrate the crowd. However, the charged mob booed the police officers and rained stones on them. Fearing total anarchy and even the possibility of their being lynched alongside Derico, the police officers fired some shots in the air to disperse the crowd and in minutes, they left the scene for the Bakassi Boys, the newly-minted heroes.

Still writhing in pain like a wounded Indian cobra, Derico let out some secrets. He said that while he was on the run, he was sheltered by a member of the National Assembly in Abuja. Derico did not stop there, he also confessed that he also had two other powerful protectors, one was a member of the Anambra State House of Assembly while the other was the chairman of a local government council. The stupefied crowd let out a stream of unbelievable shouts.

Following Derico’s ‘speech’ in anguish, the drama heightened and the crowd eagerly awaited what was to follow. What was to follow remains one of the most macabre displays of public executions in Nigeria. With the speed of a guillotine, a cutlass handled in the strong arm of one of the Bakassi Boys flew and came down with an unforgiving thud, landing on Derico’s slim neck. In a flash, Derico was beheaded.

His severed head rolled on the floor before the crowd while his convulsing body collapsed on the ground, with bright-red blood gushing from his carotid arteries. It was like a sacrifice to the gods had just taken place. Whether Amadioha was pleased or not, no one knew. An orgasmic shout rented the air as Derico was beheaded, the crowd reached a climax and the chanting of the war and victory songs continued. The crowd was satisfied and as far as the Bakassi Boys were concerned, that was a clear lesson and message to any criminal bent on making life miserable for the Anambrarians.

With the lifeless remains of Derico still lying on the floor, the people erupted in jubilation, patting one another on the backs and exchanging mutual congratulations after a monstrously grotesque show of iron and blood. That was not the end. Razor-sharp machetes flew from different directions and chopped his pitiful remains into sizable chunks. Derico’s mangled remains were heaped up, properly rinsed with fuel and set on fire. His pieces and innards twisted and succumbed to the hungry flames.

Many of the marketers interviewed were very happy with the Bakassi Boys and one of them even said that ‘taking Bakassi out of Anambra is signing our death warrant. ’ Some others described the capture and decapitation of Derico as an ‘act of God’ and a ‘miracle’. Others declared their vociferous support for the Bakassi Boys and emphasized that they would oppose anyone who wanted to ‘delete’ the Bakassi Boys from the state. Everyone seemed to enjoy the unspeakable savagery that had just taken place in a Nigeria that was just entering the 21st century. Few days before this bloody drama in July 2001, in faraway Alabama, USA, the world’s first artificial self-contained artificial heart had been transplanted into Robert Tools and in the next month Microsoft launched Windows XP. This is 2014, and we are still mobbing people, rinsing them with petrol and setting them on fire. It seems gasoline is not expensive when it is the time to burn a Nigerian.

THE AFTERMATH

Remember that the police were disgraced from the site of Derico’s public execution and that before the Bakassi Boys murdered Derico, they had called for him to be handed over to them but the Bakassi Boys flatly refused. Following the decapitation of Derico in front of thousands of people at the Onitsha Main Market, the police announced that the Bakassi Boys were in hot banga soup for killing Derico. An all-out war was declared against the BB and by the 26th of July, five of the Bakassi Boys were arrested with notice going out for the arrest of other BB members found complicit in the murder of Derico.

When the Anambra State Commissioner of Police, Daniel Anyogo, was interviewed by Kenneth Oboko of Newswatch in August 2001 following the death of Derico and his relationship with the Anambra Vigilante Service (AVS), he said:

Look at the killing of Edward Okeke and now Derico even after I gave advance warning. I advised them that he, (Derico), should be handed over to me first. They did not. Sometime I wonder why some of these sycophants do things the way they do, I don’t think they are people of God at all.
I don’t know whether you understand what I mean by that. Because if you are a man of God you cannot do what some of these people have done, unknown to the authorities, unknown to the government. Some of these people seem to be enjoying this barbaric way of doing things. And I tell you there are very few of them and I keep saying it in the security council meeting. That unless these people are identified and removed, they will continue to embarrass the state.
The police command was enraged and declared that the Bakassi Boys also produce the charred remains of Derico and others that they had killed extrajudicially. The Police Public Relations Officer, Haz Iwendi said:

“The action of the Bakassi Boys should be condemned in totality. Whatever form of extra judicial killing should be condemned by law-abiding people. Today, it is Derico, tomorrow it could be any other person. The leader of the Bakassi group is still on our wanted list and we are determined to get him.”
However, the huge uproar and anger from an overwhelming fraction of the population meant that those in authority had to find some other wiser ways of solving the issue, one of which was releasing the Bakassi Boys who had been arrested and placed in custody. At the end, Governor Mbadinuju came out and said regarding the whole debacle:

“I can tell you on good authority that it (the Derico affair) is over. The police have unraveled every detail of the Derico affair and the police are satisfied. There is no problem. They are no longer looking for anybody. As far as we are concerned, Derico has gone the way of his fore-fathers. And as far as we are concerned, the police are still in control.”
INTERESTING THINGS ABOUT DERICO NWAMAMA

–A movie was made about Derico Nwamama with Emeka Ike acting as Derico. Others in the movie were Hanks Anuku, Christie Okonkwo and Gentle Jack. You can watch on IrokoTV.

-At a point, no one actually knew precisely who Derico was, until he was tracked and identified. In fact, Daniel Anyogo, the Anambra State Commissioner of Police once called Derico ‘the man without a face.’

-Following the death of Derico, some of his gang members fled the city and regrouped in Lagos leading the police to issue a public notice. Derico’s men as they were called, were said to be targeting the Alaba International Market, and were hiding in places like Okokomaiko and Agbara pending the launch of their attacks. The electronic section of the market was hit by robbers not too long after Derico’s end and the police pointed fingers at his men who had escaped the heat in Onitsha. The same period, members of Derico’s gang (after their leader had been decapitated) visited a village in Anambra State and slaughtered 20 Nigerians. When the news reached Alaba International Market in Lagos, the terrified marketers openly called for the Bakassi Boys to come to Lagos and provide them some security.

-When Derico was caught by the Bakassi Boys, his other gang members actually launched a violent attack on Bakassi Boys’ base where the chief thug was locked up, in attempt to rescue Derico but it was all a futile exercise. Derico’s boys had mobilized themselves from Abuja and Lagos and marched towards where their leader was chained, as they approached the area where the Bakassi Boys were, they opened a rapid volley of gunfire. The Bakassi Boys returned fire leading Derico’s men to disappear into the nearby Army Barracks. Luckily for them, the AVS men did not operate in military barracks at that time and could not give them a hot pursuit.

-Even a week after the killing of Derico, the Nigerian Police was still saying that they were not aware of the killing, insisting that Derico was still alive.

-Derico was nabbed alongside another dreaded armed robber named Nwancho.

-Popular urban legend then has it that Derico and Chiejina were bathed in a special charm called odeshi which rendered them imperceptible to bullets but any scientific mind knows that na wash. If dem born anybody with odeshi well, make that person go face correct Zastava M92 submachine gun and see if you no go open ya eyes for heaven.

MATTERS ARISING

The Nigerian judicial system is still far from ideal. While thousands of prisoners are wasting away in prisons awaiting trial till the Messiah will come and hear their cases, the police is not even trusted at ALL. That is one. Two, the mindset of a vast majority of the Nigerian populace is not helping matters as far as mob violence is concerned. Repeatedly, Nigerian citizens are lynched and are beaten to coma or even killed based on evidence that has been fabricated, extracted under very brutal circumstances or even based on absolutely no evidence at all.

Common sense and rational thinking should reign in our country and when due process is not followed, we end up killing innocent people like it happened in the ALUU4 case where four Nigerian future leaders were killed in a very barbaric manner by an unthinking crowd of senseless zombies. The Nigerian system is still very feeble, corrupt a capite ad calcem and there is so much impunity in the land. An armada of information is needed to lay the foundation for a system where scientific knowledge, rational thinking, merit, mutual respect and honour will take the place of ignorance, religious fanaticism, hypocrisy, political banditry, and tribal wars, which are nothing but pitiful displays of infantile rabble-rousing, apologies to Dr. Doyin Okupe. It may not happen in this generation but it seems the march towards enlightenment and greatness for the world’s most populous black nation has started, even if it is with its growing pangs. We watch with so much hope and atimes, lip-biting trepidation.

THANKS FOR YOUR TIME.

ABIYAMO.

MORAL IMPLICATIONS OF ARTIFICIAL BIRTH CONTROL

MORAL IMPLICATIONS OF ARTIFICIAL BIRTH CONTROL

It is obviously important to study and probe the implications of artificial birth control. Our concern here is to divulge how they hurt our spiritual self, even though I may not leave off the health implications thereof.

As a matter of fact, we have different types of artificial birth control but will be enlisted under four forms:

a. Interrupted intercourse (withdrawal or marital onanism).

b. Local-mechanical means (condom, the intra-uterine device [IUD], and vagina diaphragm) and Local chemical means (sprays, suppositories, cream, jellies and tablets).

c. Hormonal means or sterilizing drugs (pills).

d. Operative sterilization (tube ligation, tube section or electro coagulation, vasectomy).

TEACHING OF THE CHURCH

The artificial birth control may offer to science a certain practical realization of their fields, but by themselves alone, they do not yet offer any moral justification. The question of the lawfulness of these means of birth control had been taken up for a first time by Pope Pius XI in the encyclical CASTI CONNUBII in 1930. Humanae Vitae of Pope Paul VI confirmed it with other assertions in the new methods discovered by science. The Pope said in the encyclical that MARRIAGE MUST BE OPEN TO PROCREATION (life oriented). This teaching is seen as 'based on the inseparable connection, established by God, between the double meaning of the marital act, i.e its unitive and procreative significance. It is on this note that the encyclical derives the moral inadmissibility of any action which either before, at the moment of, or after sexual intercourse, is specifically intended to prevent procreation whether as an end or as a means. Therefore, any marital act that is not open to life using artificial means is intrinsically wrong. Only the method of natural family planning by the rhythm method is allowed.

The Church sees it lawful the therapeutic uses of the hormonal drugs, to the point of helping resolve the health of a woman, even if it poses any danger to procreation.

Also St. Pope John Paul in the apostolic exhortation "FAMILIARIS CONSORTIO of 1981, repeated in part the very words of his predecessor. BEYOND THE OBJECTION THAT CONTRACEPTIVE METHODS OFFWND AGAINST THE PROCREATIVE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE CONJUGAL ACT AND ALSO THEY COMPROMISE THE VALUE OF A TOTAL SELF GIVING. It means that contraceptives create gap between husband and wife so that no mutual self-giving is established. This leads to falsification of inner truth of conjugal love.

Catholic maintains that artificial means of birth control could damage the sacramental and spiritual oneness and unity that existed between a couple. The protestant churches do not attribute a substantial importance to the question of the lawfulness of specific means of birth control. For protestants , it is left up to the marriage partners to choose responsibly the methods that correspond best to their personal situation and needs.

HOW TO TURN YOUR PASSION INTO A CAREER

HOW TO TURN YOUR PASSION INTO A CAREER

Are you tired of showing up for work day after day just because you’re supposed to? You go not because you want to, but because you have to in order to put food on your table and keep a roof over your head. You’ve clearly lost that loving feeling for your job and now you don’t know what to do about it.

If this sounds like you, you’re not alone. A study from the Deloitte University Press reported that up to 87.7 percent of America’s workforce is not able to contribute to their full potential because they don’t have passion for their work. Furthermore, less than 12.3 percent of America’s workforce possesses the attributes of worker passion.

If you fall into these demographics, maybe it’s time to find out what you’re really passionate about and turn that into your life’s career.

Here Are Some Steps To Help:
1. Discover Your Passion:
Your passion should be the thing you enjoy and for which you are naturally wired to excel. There is a huge difference between a hobby and a passion, and it is crucial that you differentiate between the two before quitting your day job. For instance, just because you enjoy painting does not necessarily mean you should make it your profession. You might be better at graphic design, which uses some of the same artistic talents as painting. Keep an open mind and explore all of your options.

2. Determine The Demand:
After you have discovered your passion, determine the level of demand for your skills and choose a field. It’s risky to plunge into a career with a very low demand, or one with a large number of competitors even though you love it. However, the number of competitors should not be the deal breaker. If you are confident in your skills, it is very possible to establish yourself and compete quite comfortably, as long as you have a strong marketing strategy.

3. Do Your Research:
Conduct a detailed search on what it would take to launch your career in this field. You may need to acquire specific machinery or equipment, or earn a certification, degree, or special training. You may even need to hire employees or solicit funding. To save headaches later, find out all you can now.

Interview people who have or are in a similar business to the one you’re considering. Learn what they did to succeed and follow their path, especially if you choose to work in a niche market.

4. Make A Plan:
Make a detailed plan of the steps you need to take to make your passion a realistic career opportunity. Include what you need to do and how much you need to spend before you launch into your new venture. If possible, always have a back-up plan in case Plan A doesn’t work out.

5. Become Qualified:
To be taken seriously, you must first become a professional. Having a special skill may not be enough to deem you an expert, so acquire the training necessary to become marketable. Take a night, weekend or online class while you’re in your current job, or a sabbatical to attend an intensive training or internship. As the saying goes, “The more you learn, the more you will earn.”

6. Be Flexible:
Your road is not always going to be smooth, so plan for hiccups and make adjustments along the way. Be open to advice and criticism; other people’s insights may open your eyes to something new. No one can succeed alone. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with talented individuals or to form an advisory board to help you make the right decisions.

Turning your passion into a career requires motivation. Be proactive and take a step every day that gets you nearer your goal. The fruits of your labour will eventually pay off and you’ll be well on your way to doing what you love.


Related One: Some Tips to Turn Your Passion into Profit.
Related Two: Some Ways for Loving Your Career and Working With Passion.

TOPIC: 3; DEPRESSION SOME OF THE WAYS FOR DEALING WITH DEPRESSION

TOPIC: 3; DEPRESSION

SOME OF THE WAYS FOR DEALING WITH DEPRESSION

Depression is a state which includes feeling sad most of the time during the day, feeling helpless and/or hopeless, changes in your eating and sleeping habits, lack of finding meaning and purpose in activities and life in general, lack of experiencing pleasure, holding negative view about yourself and people in general.

Factors can range from situational loss of an intimate relationship, health, job, or a loved one; school pressure; peer pressure; bullying; phase of life changes; immigration and acculturation process; financial hardship; current or past trauma; domestic violence; drugs and alcohol abuse, dependency, or addiction; to lifelong chronic condition that would require medical management.

It is important for you to become aware of the symptoms and the cause of your depression.

How can you take care of yourself? First by noticing your thoughts, emotions and behavior toward yourself and others, and the impact of that way of being in your life. Then take the following steps:

1. Start With Caring For Your Body:

Depression tends to make you lethargic, it is important for you to move and change the chemistry of your body. Take on Yoga, cardio exercise, biking, hiking, or just simple walking at your pace. Start in the morning right after you wake up with a more heart pumping routine and do simple stretching before you sleep. Download an app with active guided meditation and simply follow. Ask a friend to be an active buddy with you and move you through this process.

2. Hang Out With Friends or Family Members:

Depression tends to isolate you as if you have no patience for people around you, or the thought that others just don’t understand you. Pick a friend, a family member, a support group, or even a random person in a coffee shop and try to connect. A face-to-face connection goes a long way. Seeing love, compassion, and caring in another person’s eyes or voice tends to sooth the part that feels alone and hopeless.

3. Be Around Nature And Pets:

Get a dog or cat, go to the dog park, go to the shelters and pet some of the animals, hug a tree, sit in a park, walk barefoot on the beach, lay down on the sand, smell a rose, and enjoy all there is on this beautiful earth beside humans. Remember you are one of the great beings on earth, and you belong here.

4. Know Your Value:

Depressed people tend to forget their own value. Remember the way you have helped people and created a smile for them, been there for others when they needed you, efforts that created your achievements, people who have told you that they love you and value you, and people who miss you when they don’t see you. Don’t worry about the ones who have not appreciated you or have not reciprocated your caring, that is their lack of skill not yours. Ask your friends and family to tell you five (5) characteristics and values that they like about you.

5. Create A Purpose For Your Daily Life:

Most depressed people tend to lose their purpose and think of themselves as useless and life as pointless. Just create your own purpose in life. Pick one, any valuable act that benefits you and the world will do. Maybe a virtue or an act that you yearn to receive from others can actually be the one virtue that you can offer to the world on a daily bases. For example, if you imagine a world filled with love and giving, then start by giving love as you know it to whomever you choose daily.

Be in action toward creating a world that you like and stop waiting for the rest of the world to create it for you. Begin with you. Imagine the world like you want it, see the type of thinking, feeling and actions that are needed to create that type of world. Now let’s start with you since this is your vision. Even if you can’t change the entire world, which realistically you won’t, you can at least change your world to the one you like. Remember, the depressive thinking, feeling, and acting is also your made up world. So, choose the one you like.

Consider getting support from your doctors, therapists, counselors to walk with you through this path. You don’t need to do this all alone.

IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU...

IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU...

Did you know that your beliefs and thoughts are so powerful that you can believe and think things into reality?

I'm fascinated with the incredible insights we gain from quantum physics and the nature of reality, and how our own psychology impacts that reality.

>We have the ability to believe and think our way into difficult circumstances.

>We can believe and think our way into negative interactions with people.

>We can believe and think our way into sickness.

>We're able to believe and think our way into all sorts of lack and limitation, sabotaging our own life experience.

However, FLIP IT AROUND because we also have the ability to...

>Believe and think our way into flow and optimal results.

>Believe and think our way into the path of positive people and awesome interactions.

>Believe and think our way into greater wellbeing and healing.

>Believe and think our way into abundant and expansive experiences that LEVERAGE our life forward.

Our beliefs and thoughts are energy, and the entire world we live in is energy. Everything is connected. Your beliefs and thoughts are NOT idle, they are incredible powerful creative forces, waves of energy that ripple outward and have impact.

When you know this, you realize that it's a worthy investment of your time to resolve limiting beliefs and negative thinking. It's the MOST potent thing you can do for your life!

Living a happy life, a life of gratitude, of peace, of positivity... it starts with you. "It's an inside job" as my beautiful friend says. Everything good we want is an inside job, be it outer success, or healthy relationships, or wellness, or abundance... it starts inside, in our beliefs and thoughts.

Even dealing with the things in life we can't control, things that come up unexpectedly, that's still an inside job! The way we choose to interact with these difficult and uncontrollable aspects of life all comes down to our beliefs and thoughts, influencing how we perceive and relate to events, and therefore dictating how well we navigate those times.

• So let's put this into action. Today just notice if you've been thinking negatively about a particular topic?  For example: a goal you're working on, a person, a situation, or yourself. Now choose to change the conversation. Come up with a better way of looking at it, a more empowering thought process you can practice. Remember... beliefs and thoughts are not idle, they are creative forces. So you can believe and think your way into a difference experience of life.

SOME OF THE THINGS TO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT

SOME OF THE THINGS TO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT

“Guilt is to the spirit; what pain is to the body.”

Guilt. I can hardly get through a day without feeling guilty about something. The feeling is like a dark cloud hanging overhead everywhere I go. The cloud doesn't always release its rain, but it makes it's presence known in an unpredictable, unforgettable way. Guilt pushes and pokes to get us to notice it and takes our attention away from what is truly important.

So what do we do?

Let's make our “guilt-list” a little shorter. Shall we?

Here Are Some of The Things To Not Feel Guilty About:

1. Setting Healthy Boundaries:

A few years ago I said “yes” to everything. I would follow through but not always perform my best and sometimes lose myself completely in the process. A friend of mine encouraged me to set boundaries pleading with me to respect myself enough to say “No” when it was best for me and others. Setting boundaries helped me show up fully when I did commit and helped me to take better care of myself.

2. Imperfections:

We will never be perfect. I'm sorry if that ruined your personal expectations for yourself, but we must stop striving for perfection, or the guilt will continue. It tells us that we must not only strive for excellence but that we must expect perfection from ourselves in every way. I want to challenge you to give yourself grace and embrace imperfection. Besides, everyone's idea of “perfection” differs from one another, so you are up against a shifting and unstable scale.

3. Self-care Indulgences:

Indulgence is a word that is often accompanied by guilt. But indulgence is a luxury and often a form of gratification. We should never feel guilty about acknowledging or celebrating ourselves. This practice fits right along with the act of self-care. It makes us stronger and helps us become the best version of ourselves.

4. Failure:

So much learning and growth come from failure. We must shift our perspective to appreciate failure rather than sit in guilt. Sure, we don't pursue ways to fail, but we can certainly see it's purpose as we step over failure and are one step closer to success.

5. Being You:

I cannot say this enough. Never, ever, ever feel guilty about being YOU! You are the only you there ever has been and ever will be. So be real. All of your crazy emotions, your big dreams, and your awkward quirks – show up as your full self each and every day with no regrets holding you back.

Let's live with a little less guilt starting NOW!

And I will like if you leave some comments below.

IT'S TIME FOR A BREAK

IT'S TIME FOR A BREAK

This is a little reminder to be kind to yourself.

>You might have been feeling like you should be doing more.

>You might have been talking to yourself negatively.

>You might have been judging yourself or your life.

If so, it's time to take a break from putting pressure on yourself.

Give yourself just ONE DAY of relief - where you expect nothing but simply allow yourself to be, where you speak lovingly to yourself, where you (literally) give yourself a hug.

And if that one day of relief feels good, then rinse and repeat it tomorrow.

And if that starts feeling like you're onto a good thing, then keep it going!

For when we stop pressuring ourselves, and start loving ourselves, and we feel good... guess what happens? We naturally end up doing more, achieving more, being happier and having a better life anyway!

Why Having “The Talk” when Dating Someone Special is Such a Big Deal

Why Having “The Talk” when Dating Someone Special is Such a Big Deal

You’ve been there. You finally meet someone you “click” with and almost want to pinch yourself sometimes at how happy you find yourself since you two started dating. You smile when you hear your phone “ding” notifying you that a text just came in and then see that it’s from him. Your mind is suddenly occupied with nothing but him, it seems.

You’re replaying every moment of your last conversation, the way he gently kissed your lips as he said goodbye…and you find yourself fantasizing about the next time you get to see him. It almost seems too good to be true that he seems just as into you as you are into him.

So, after weeks or even months of this, it would make sense that you would just assume neither one of you is seeing anyone else or would even say yes to a date with anyone else. You definitely have, in your mind, staved off all others and emotionally committed yourself to only dating this man. But…since you’ve actually never talked about it…how do you really know the status of your relationship?

This is truly one of the most stressful and confusing parts of the early months of dating for most women.

So, maybe you’ve found yourself struggling with the following…

Why is this so confusing?

The horrible bind you are in and how to best handle it.

Understanding why it’s necessary to know the impact it has on you and your relationship moving forward.

The confusion…is real. Why on earth would you think that since you have been texting/talking daily and spending so much time together for weeks or months since you’d first met that either one of you would want to date anyone else. What the two of you have is so great. You have amazing chemistry, the sex is like nothing you’ve ever had before, you have so much in common, and you have so much fun together.

You try to even imagine where either one of you would fit in time to talk to anyone else in between all of the other things you have going on besides each other. You tell yourself there is no way he would even want to date anyone else, so you don’t even bring up the conversation about if the two of you are dating other people. You honestly just assume it.

In fact, after about 2 weeks of dating him, you completely took down all of your dating profiles and emotionally devoted yourself to him. Only you never told him that. You figured he just knew because of the way you have been together. After even more time together, you figured your assumption was right, but there is still a lingering question in your mind as you realize he never has called you his girlfriend or introduced you as such.

You even start to wonder how you would introduce him to people at your next social event. So, you think about if it is time to just ask him where your relationship is. You think it’s really no big deal, really. After all this time, it’s just a moot point, right?

Having “The Talk” When Dating Someone Special

So, you decide to ask him the next time you’re out if you two can talk, and you are a bit taken aback by a reaction you have never seen by him before. It is almost like you asked him to go skinny dipping in -10 degree weather in the dead of winter. He stutters a “I guess. What about?” So, you say something like: “Well, I was just thinking that we’ve been dating for some time and spending so much time together and getting along so well. And I know I haven’t been seeing anyone else and haven’t wanted to because I am so happy being with you, so I was just wondering if you’re feeling the same and where our relationship is going. I guess I have been assuming we’ve been committed for some time, but then I realized we never talked about it, so I wanted to bring it up”.

You may actually not want to ask if you can “talk” because for some reason that may actually “freak” some men out and make things sound too serious. And, you may just want to be super casual about the topic and say something like “You know, the funniest thing happened the other day. I got asked out and I realized we never even talked about if we both stopped dating other people. I just have been so into us and have been having so much fun with you that I haven’t even wanted to. I guess I kind of assumed with all the time we’ve been spending together that you also weren’t still dating other people, but I guess I should have asked instead of assumed. I really do want it to be just us, so I guess I need to know if you’re on the same page as me”.

Now, you may actually get a response like: “Well of course you’re my girlfriend”. Or, you may get a complete shocker and be stunned by a blank stare and a “umm… well, I am really not ready for something that serious right now. I thought we were just having fun and a commitment is just something that takes a lot longer for me to make with anyone.”

If you get the second response, unfortunately you’re not in the minority right now. For some reason, there seems to be a difficulty with men being able to have “the talk” and them being completely freaked out by a woman bringing it up first. The words “commitment” and “relationship” also seem to be somewhat triggering and frightening to some men, as for some reason they equate these with marriage.

Let’s be clear here…

You have every right to want to be in an exclusive relationship where you are only dating, having sex with or communicating with one man—or not. If someone “freaks out” because you assertively communicate your needs, desires and wants in a relationship, then this is not the right relationship for you.

There is a difference between imposing your needs, desires and wants on someone else way too soon (say in the first couple of weeks before you actually know one another) and then getting mad at them for not meeting them. But, honestly, if it has been months and the two of you have been regularly having sex and spending time together, it makes sense that you would want to know if the two of you are only dating one another.

And, certainly, if nothing else, for health reasons alone, you have every right to know if he is or wants to date other people. You have every right to protect your heart and your body.

The reason this can be extremely confusing is because actions speak louder than words. Just because someone has not uttered the words “commitment”, “girlfriend”, or “boyfriend” does not negate the amount of time, effort, energy they have put into being with you. Nor can those words take away from the passion, chemistry and emotions you feel for the other person. It can be extremely painful to have committed yourself to the relationship only to find out that the other person never did and wasn’t planning on it.

If this happens, you really are left in a bind. Do you leave because you find out you aren’t at the same level of commitment at that time? Or, do you continue doing what you’ve been doing, waiting things out and hoping that he will catch up with you at some point. You were really so happy with everything.

So, do you leave that now that you found out he might not be ready to only be with you? Can you handle staying with him knowing that he might be talking to or dating another woman when he’s not with you? Do you hope that he goes out with other women and realizes that nobody compares to you and it will be worth continuing to stay with him?

There really are so many things to consider. And, it really comes down to who you are and what you can handle. But, don’t feel bad for wanting or needing a commitment. It is a necessary foundation for a healthy relationship and you have every right to ask for it.

In the dating realm, commitment refers to a relationship where the two of you are only dating and having sex with each other. If there is no commitment, the foundation of a relationship is shaky, at best. Women, in particular, need to feel safe and secure in relationships. Otherwise, their anxiety takes over and, let’s face it ladies, we can overthink pretty much everything and drive ourselves a little mad at times. This can wreak havoc on any relationship.

If you don’t know your man is committed to you, and you know he’s open to dating other women, for instance, you will be much more likely to over-analyze why he did not respond to your last text and re-read over and over again his last texts trying to find the reason why he’s ignoring you; trying to figure out if he’s ready to leave you or if his feelings for you are still as strong.

You might spend your time stalking his social media, even calling his phone with a blocked number to see if he answers. You’d call your girlfriends for support and be an anxious mess until he finally resurfaced. If, on the other hand, you felt safe and secure, you’d more likely tell yourself he’s busy with work and will get back to you when he’s free and go about your day not thinking about it.

The main thing is that it IS important to always communicate openly and never assume anything with anyone. Knowing is better than being in the dark and possibly being blindsided and getting hurt. A lot of women, unfortunately, are afraid to “scare the man away” by bringing up “the talk” and therefore don’t and don’t end up in the relationship that they want and need in order to feel safe and secure. It is ALWAYS ok to be true to yourself and want to be in a mutually loving, healthy relationship where you both get your needs met.